Some Observations about Communication (aka, Shut Up, Put Up, or Listen Up?)

I have attempted to minister unto the Lord’s people for fourteen years and have been employed in public education for approximately twelve years. Both fields of labor require effective dialogue to meet particular goals. Poor communication on the part of the giver and receiver hinders progress in both areas. As far as receiving communication, experience has taught me that there are generally three responses when communicating with others about topics that might be challenging, uncomfortable or confrontational in nature.

One group of people will clam up. In an attempt to avoid dealing with an uncomfortable topic, they will shut down. They might quietly listen to the communicator, but will offer no response. This person usually will respond with a ‘deer in the headlights’ look when addressed. The mindset is that if I just ignore the issue at hand, then it will go away. Perhaps the individual who is being confronted is hoping that someone else will deal with situation. This mindset is an avoidance technique.

Another group will put up--walls and defenses, that is. When confronted about a challenging topic, they default to a defensive response. Any type of reproof or correction is received with much anger and bitterness. They perceive such communication as an attempt to cause them harm or single them out from everyone else.

And finally, the third group of people will listen up. These are the few who are ready to listen to others when presented with a difficult subject. They might not like what they are hearing, but they take the time listen to the information being presented. This type of person may not agree with what is being communicated but they hear the presenter out. Once they digest the information, they will try to formulate a well-reasoned response.

Obviously, the third response allows the most effective communication to take place. I believe that this is the Biblical response. James writes,

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. - (James 1:19-21 KJV)”

Useful communication takes place when we manifest a willingness to listen to others. Oftentimes, while another person is presenting something that we perceive as a challenge to us, we either immediately begin to tune them out or formulate a response to defend ourselves. Sometimes we don’t even give the speaker time to finish what they are saying before we interrupt them. James exhorts us to be ready to hear.

After we hear someone’s position on a particular topic, James teaches that we need to be slow to speak. In other words, we must pause and think about what we are saying in response to others. This simple change in our behavior would eliminate many later regrets when dealing with people! There is nothing wrong with pausing during an uncomfortable or challenging conversation to formulate a reasoned response; even if the conversation has to be picked up at a later date. This will also give us pause to examine ourselves and consider what is being verbalized to us. Perhaps the communicator is correct in their words to us.

Godly advice from others has the potential to save our souls in this present world. The gospel minister has been called by God to impart scriptural truth to the sheep. If we shut down or get defensive when confronted with Bible, we might ignore some important truth that will deliver us from great misery in our lives. There are others around us that have much wisdom that they can potentially share with us. Perhaps they have experienced some of the same trials with which we struggle, and can give Godly counsel. This needful communication will likely not occur if we respond by shutting down or getting angry. May God bless us as individuals, families and churches to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. When we cultivate this attitude, we will grow closer in our fellowship with one another and progress in our service to God. We need all of the help that we can get!